At give a girl a pen, we are offering to post your query and first 500 words for critique.
Why? You might ask.
Because we hope that, with a little help from the writing community, everyone can improve their work and get agents dying for your manuscript.
So go here and find out what you need to do to get in on the critiquing!
Monday, July 27, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Writing Contest
One of my conspirators at If You Give a Girl a Pen is hosting a writing contest. Hurry and enter, today's the last day.
For details, go to Suzanne's blog,
Sharpen those writing skills.
And on If You Give a Girl a Pen, we are critiquing queries and your first 500 words. So submit them to ifyougiveagirl@gmail.com
For details, go to Suzanne's blog,
Tales of Extraordinary Ordinariness
Sharpen those writing skills.
And on If You Give a Girl a Pen, we are critiquing queries and your first 500 words. So submit them to ifyougiveagirl@gmail.com
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Great Giveaway for Moms!
Because of SITS I have found lots of great sites. Here's one that's giving away some great things for MOMS!
Penelope's Oasis: A Place to Relax and Rejuvenate is giving away:
Mama Mio Boob Tube
and The Lingerie Handbook
It's easy to enter, just read her blog (above) and you're halfway there.
Now go and relax with Penelope and the gals at SITS.
Penelope's Oasis: A Place to Relax and Rejuvenate is giving away:
Mama Mio Boob Tube
and The Lingerie Handbook
It's easy to enter, just read her blog (above) and you're halfway there.
Now go and relax with Penelope and the gals at SITS.
Monday, July 20, 2009
More Revisions for Surviving
My new crit group is great! Here are some more revisions of Surviving. :)
A bullet flew past my ear and I took off in a dead sprint. My heart raced to the point of pain. My Doc Martin combat boots seemed to weigh a ton, slowing me down. The thick air, humid air, made breathing difficult.
I had to get away. Arcove’s men would show no mercy.
A man in a suit stood at the edge of the clearing, the only straight shot away from the evil men. Was he one of them? I started to slow down as a bullet zipped past me. The man ducked and I decided to take my chances with him.
The noonday sun reflected off his sunglasses, almost blinding me. If he weren’t one of Arcove’s men, then he was in as much danger as I was. I waved my arm. “Run!”
He looked behind him, then back at me.
“Run!” I yelled again, but either he was deaf or stupid. He just stood there, staring at me.
He yelled something back, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. Damn, maybe he only spoke Portuguese.
When I neared, he reached out, possibly to stop me. I darted to the left, instantly wishing I hadn’t. He grabbed me and we plunged over a cliff, hitting branches and rocks that jutted out from the side of the mountain. Our screams tangled with the sound of rushing water below.
The fall didn’t last long. I had just enough time to take a deep breath when we sliced feet first through the twisted river’s surface.
He held on to my waist, pulling me up with him. My ankles ached and my lungs caught fire. He swam hard with the current, tugging me along. I pushed against him to free myself. I was a strong swimmer and didn’t need a man to rescue me. Besides, if he wasn’t just an innocent bystander, what if he pushed me under. Still he held me.
“Let go,” I tried to say, but sucked in a lung-full of water.
He grabbed my hair and I relented, letting him and the river carry me further downstream. Away from the real danger.
After what seemed like an eternity of fighting to stay afloat, he dragged us to the grassy shore. With barely enough energy to breathe, I lay intertwined with him for some time.
“Is anything broken?” he asked.
I lifted my head from his shoulder and looked into his large brown eyes. “Um, not sure. You?”
Slowly, he moved beneath me. “Don’t think so. But do you mind getting off so I can check?”
I fought back an embarrassed smile and rolled to my side, wincing at the soreness that plagued my body. He stretched and sat, shaking water from his curly black hair.
“Just bruised up really good. But other than that…” He looked at me sprawled on the ground and frowned. “So, want to explain why we both nearly died? Who are those men and why did I almost take a bullet for you?”
I knew that was coming—even had the perfect answer rehearsed. But for some reason, staring into this man’s eyes, I couldn’t bring myself to flat out lie. So I did the next best thing. Kept my mouth shut.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
A Little More Detail
Okay, so I was on Flogging the Quill and Ray said he'd turn the page, but gave me a few great tips, and so did those who commented. I revised Surviving (below) and got another great comment.
One gal, hope101, said:
Definitely better in terms of clarity, but the reactions still are off for me.
Consider: she's running for her life, presumably prepared to jump off a cliff rather than face whatever's behind her. She'll be going fast, but she'll still have enough time to note *something* about the man. And she'll want to--at least enough to know whether he's an innocent bystander who should be running in his own right, or another permutation of the Big Bad.
If it's the former she'll be startled when he snakes out an arm to grab her. (I can't envision him wrapping her in his arms, given the pace.) If it's the latter, she'd probably swerve to avoid him.
Either way, if she has any spine, she should be giving him a royal ass-whooping right about now. :)
"Getting into Character" by Brandilyn Collins is a book that might help you slow it down a little. Good luck!
So I've added more detail, hopefully without losing the pace. Any thoughts on this new version.
I took off in a dead sprint. My heart racing to the point of pain. My Doc Martin combat boots seemed to weigh a ton, slowing me down. The thick air, full of moister, made breathing difficult.
I had to get away .
A man a few inches taller than me stood at the edge of the clearing, and I screamed, “Run!”
He looked behind him, then back at me.
“Run!” I yelled again, but either he was deaf or stupid. Crazy woman yelling run at me when she looks like she’s in a race for her life, I’m sure gonna run.
He just stood there, staring at me. He yelled something back, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. Damn, maybe he only spoke Portuguese.
When I neared, he reached out, possibly to stop me. I darted to the side, instantly wishing I hadn’t. He grabbed my arm and we went over a cliff, hitting branches and rocks that jutted out from the side of the mountain.
Our screams tangled with the rushing water below.
The fall didn’t last long. I had just enough time to take a deep breath when we sliced through the twisted river’s surface.
He held on, pulling me up with him. My ankles ached and my lungs caught fire. He swam hard with the current, tugging me along. I pushed against him to free myself, but he grabbed for me.
“Let go,” I tried to say, but sucked in a lung-full of water.
He pulled at my hair and I relented, letting him and the river carry us further downstream. Away from the real danger.
One gal, hope101, said:
Definitely better in terms of clarity, but the reactions still are off for me.
Consider: she's running for her life, presumably prepared to jump off a cliff rather than face whatever's behind her. She'll be going fast, but she'll still have enough time to note *something* about the man. And she'll want to--at least enough to know whether he's an innocent bystander who should be running in his own right, or another permutation of the Big Bad.
If it's the former she'll be startled when he snakes out an arm to grab her. (I can't envision him wrapping her in his arms, given the pace.) If it's the latter, she'd probably swerve to avoid him.
Either way, if she has any spine, she should be giving him a royal ass-whooping right about now. :)
"Getting into Character" by Brandilyn Collins is a book that might help you slow it down a little. Good luck!
So I've added more detail, hopefully without losing the pace. Any thoughts on this new version.
I took off in a dead sprint. My heart racing to the point of pain. My Doc Martin combat boots seemed to weigh a ton, slowing me down. The thick air, full of moister, made breathing difficult.
I had to get away .
A man a few inches taller than me stood at the edge of the clearing, and I screamed, “Run!”
He looked behind him, then back at me.
“Run!” I yelled again, but either he was deaf or stupid. Crazy woman yelling run at me when she looks like she’s in a race for her life, I’m sure gonna run.
He just stood there, staring at me. He yelled something back, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. Damn, maybe he only spoke Portuguese.
When I neared, he reached out, possibly to stop me. I darted to the side, instantly wishing I hadn’t. He grabbed my arm and we went over a cliff, hitting branches and rocks that jutted out from the side of the mountain.
Our screams tangled with the rushing water below.
The fall didn’t last long. I had just enough time to take a deep breath when we sliced through the twisted river’s surface.
He held on, pulling me up with him. My ankles ached and my lungs caught fire. He swam hard with the current, tugging me along. I pushed against him to free myself, but he grabbed for me.
“Let go,” I tried to say, but sucked in a lung-full of water.
He pulled at my hair and I relented, letting him and the river carry us further downstream. Away from the real danger.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Revised first page of Surviving
I took off in a dead sprint for the cliff. No looking back now.
A man stood at the edge, and when I neared, he wrapped his arms around me, possibly to stop me, and we went over. We hit branches and rocks that jutted out from the side of the mountain. Our screams tangled with the rushing water below.
The fall didn’t last long. I had just enough time to take a deep breath when we sliced through the twisted river’s surface.
He held on, pulling me up with him. My ankles ached and my lungs caught fire. He swam hard with the current, tugging me along. I pushed against him to free myself, but he grabbed for me.
“Let go,” I tried to say, but sucked in a lung-full of water.
He pulled at my hair and I relented, letting him and the river carry us further downstream. Away from the real danger.
After what seemed like an eternity of fighting to stay afloat, he dragged us to the rocky shore. With barely enough energy to breathe I lay intertwined with him for some time.
Finally, he asked, “Is anything broken?”
I lifted my head from his shoulder and looked into his large brown eyes. “Um, not sure. You?”
Slowly, he moved beneath me. “Don’t think so. But do you mind getting off so I can make sure?”
A man stood at the edge, and when I neared, he wrapped his arms around me, possibly to stop me, and we went over. We hit branches and rocks that jutted out from the side of the mountain. Our screams tangled with the rushing water below.
The fall didn’t last long. I had just enough time to take a deep breath when we sliced through the twisted river’s surface.
He held on, pulling me up with him. My ankles ached and my lungs caught fire. He swam hard with the current, tugging me along. I pushed against him to free myself, but he grabbed for me.
“Let go,” I tried to say, but sucked in a lung-full of water.
He pulled at my hair and I relented, letting him and the river carry us further downstream. Away from the real danger.
After what seemed like an eternity of fighting to stay afloat, he dragged us to the rocky shore. With barely enough energy to breathe I lay intertwined with him for some time.
Finally, he asked, “Is anything broken?”
I lifted my head from his shoulder and looked into his large brown eyes. “Um, not sure. You?”
Slowly, he moved beneath me. “Don’t think so. But do you mind getting off so I can make sure?”
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