Book Trailer for Legend of the Protectors

Great Find

There's a blog I found today, thanks to SITS. It's for tweens and teens, girls.
It is fabulous!

There are devotionals, giveaways, and fun.

So, if you are young, or just young at heart, go visit Scenarios for Girls

How to Get Published

Lisa Saunders is the author of three books, her most recent being, "Anything But a Dog!", and she’s making an e-booklet, "How to Get Published," available for free to anyone who wants one. Just e-mail her at saundersbooks@aol.com for a copy.

Birthday Bash

So August 8th is Legend's Birthday. The day I started writing.

I had turned 35 three days earlier, yep, today's my b-day, and a story that had to be written popped in my head. I grabbed paper and a pen and started writing.

The story has grown a lot in the last two years, and many more stories have come to me, but it all started with a girl being chased by wolves in her dreams and monsters who looked like us and ate human livers. And then there was the hot Officer Andrew.

So, as a birthday present to myself and Legend, I'm going to query a couple of agents, work on my new novel, and then go out with my family to see Aliens in the Attic.

:)

Whant do yo do when...

So I got a response to my query for Legend that says the reason said agent is turning it down is because 120,000 words is too long for a debut author. Mine is 95,000 words.
She did say she likes them around 80,000.

I know 120k is too long. Maybe 95k is long sometimes, but that's 25k difference.

Oh well.

Moving on to another agent.

Query + 500 words Critique

At give a girl a pen, we are offering to post your query and first 500 words for critique.
Why? You might ask.
Because we hope that, with a little help from the writing community, everyone can improve their work and get agents dying for your manuscript.

So go here and find out what you need to do to get in on the critiquing!

Writing Contest

One of my conspirators at If You Give a Girl a Pen is hosting a writing contest. Hurry and enter, today's the last day.

For details, go to Suzanne's blog,

Tales of Extraordinary Ordinariness

Sharpen those writing skills.

And on If You Give a Girl a Pen, we are critiquing queries and your first 500 words. So submit them to ifyougiveagirl@gmail.com

Great Giveaway for Moms!

Because of SITS I have found lots of great sites. Here's one that's giving away some great things for MOMS!

Penelope's Oasis: A Place to Relax and Rejuvenate is giving away:

the Topless Undershirt

Mama Mio Boob Tube


and The Lingerie Handbook

It's easy to enter, just read her blog (above) and you're halfway there.
Now go and relax with Penelope and the gals at SITS.

More Revisions for Surviving

My new crit group is great! Here are some more revisions of Surviving. :)

A bullet flew past my ear and I took off in a dead sprint. My heart raced to the point of pain. My Doc Martin combat boots seemed to weigh a ton, slowing me down. The thick air, humid air, made breathing difficult.

I had to get away. Arcove’s men would show no mercy.

A man in a suit stood at the edge of the clearing, the only straight shot away from the evil men. Was he one of them? I started to slow down as a bullet zipped past me. The man ducked and I decided to take my chances with him.

The noonday sun reflected off his sunglasses, almost blinding me. If he weren’t one of Arcove’s men, then he was in as much danger as I was. I waved my arm. “Run!”

He looked behind him, then back at me.

“Run!” I yelled again, but either he was deaf or stupid. He just stood there, staring at me.

He yelled something back, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. Damn, maybe he only spoke Portuguese.

When I neared, he reached out, possibly to stop me. I darted to the left, instantly wishing I hadn’t. He grabbed me and we plunged over a cliff, hitting branches and rocks that jutted out from the side of the mountain. Our screams tangled with the sound of rushing water below.

The fall didn’t last long. I had just enough time to take a deep breath when we sliced feet first through the twisted river’s surface.

He held on to my waist, pulling me up with him. My ankles ached and my lungs caught fire. He swam hard with the current, tugging me along. I pushed against him to free myself. I was a strong swimmer and didn’t need a man to rescue me. Besides, if he wasn’t just an innocent bystander, what if he pushed me under. Still he held me.

“Let go,” I tried to say, but sucked in a lung-full of water.

He grabbed my hair and I relented, letting him and the river carry me further downstream. Away from the real danger.

After what seemed like an eternity of fighting to stay afloat, he dragged us to the grassy shore. With barely enough energy to breathe, I lay intertwined with him for some time.

“Is anything broken?” he asked.

I lifted my head from his shoulder and looked into his large brown eyes. “Um, not sure. You?”

Slowly, he moved beneath me. “Don’t think so. But do you mind getting off so I can check?”

I fought back an embarrassed smile and rolled to my side, wincing at the soreness that plagued my body. He stretched and sat, shaking water from his curly black hair.

“Just bruised up really good. But other than that…” He looked at me sprawled on the ground and frowned. “So, want to explain why we both nearly died? Who are those men and why did I almost take a bullet for you?”

I knew that was coming—even had the perfect answer rehearsed. But for some reason, staring into this man’s eyes, I couldn’t bring myself to flat out lie. So I did the next best thing. Kept my mouth shut.

A Little More Detail

Okay, so I was on Flogging the Quill and Ray said he'd turn the page, but gave me a few great tips, and so did those who commented. I revised Surviving (below) and got another great comment.

One gal, hope101, said:

Definitely better in terms of clarity, but the reactions still are off for me.

Consider: she's running for her life, presumably prepared to jump off a cliff rather than face whatever's behind her. She'll be going fast, but she'll still have enough time to note *something* about the man. And she'll want to--at least enough to know whether he's an innocent bystander who should be running in his own right, or another permutation of the Big Bad.

If it's the former she'll be startled when he snakes out an arm to grab her. (I can't envision him wrapping her in his arms, given the pace.) If it's the latter, she'd probably swerve to avoid him.

Either way, if she has any spine, she should be giving him a royal ass-whooping right about now. :)

"Getting into Character" by Brandilyn Collins is a book that might help you slow it down a little. Good luck!


So I've added more detail, hopefully without losing the pace. Any thoughts on this new version.



I took off in a dead sprint. My heart racing to the point of pain. My Doc Martin combat boots seemed to weigh a ton, slowing me down. The thick air, full of moister, made breathing difficult.

I had to get away .

A man a few inches taller than me stood at the edge of the clearing, and I screamed, “Run!”

He looked behind him, then back at me.

“Run!” I yelled again, but either he was deaf or stupid. Crazy woman yelling run at me when she looks like she’s in a race for her life, I’m sure gonna run.

He just stood there, staring at me. He yelled something back, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. Damn, maybe he only spoke Portuguese.

When I neared, he reached out, possibly to stop me. I darted to the side, instantly wishing I hadn’t. He grabbed my arm and we went over a cliff, hitting branches and rocks that jutted out from the side of the mountain.

Our screams tangled with the rushing water below.

The fall didn’t last long. I had just enough time to take a deep breath when we sliced through the twisted river’s surface.

He held on, pulling me up with him. My ankles ached and my lungs caught fire. He swam hard with the current, tugging me along. I pushed against him to free myself, but he grabbed for me.

“Let go,” I tried to say, but sucked in a lung-full of water.

He pulled at my hair and I relented, letting him and the river carry us further downstream. Away from the real danger.